Random Friday Musings
Finishing projects, whether for day job or writing-related is a struggle for me. At any given time, I’ve got three or maybe five projects up in the air and will struggle to finish each and every one.
Funny thing . . . finishing, especially in writing the words THE END is the most satisfying experience EVER. One would think that would be reinforcement enough. But no. I allow perfectionism and self-doubt to creep in and it strangles me.
I’m working through it . . .
There’s a similar process at work in my relationships. Not in quantity (I can barely manage one, much less five) but certainly I see it in the way that I tend to ignore the multiple early warning signs that indicate it’s time to change or end.
I don’t know, I don’t want to hurt feelings, perhaps? Or I second guess the evidence before me? Or maybe I’m misinterpreting? This circular thinking paralyzes me until I can do nothing.
That is, until the worst happens.
I’m working through this too.
God has given us not a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. I propose that a sound mind sits at the top of this triangle. So what happens to power and love when there is a traumatic insult to the mind?
Trauma occurs. The mind tries to absorb it into its collection of prior experiences. But the event is so far outside the norm that the mind can’t compute.
What happens to love and power then?
Distortions. Self-deceit. Obscurantism. Paralysis.
Love becomes a parody of itself. Power –a caricature, corrupted.
It affects not only you but if you’re not careful, the mind illness distorts the reality of those around you as well.
Of course, having the power of thought brings its own set of problems. Watching my animals make this thought real clear:
Eat when you’re hungry. Or to prevent a sour stomach.
Proximity breeds connectivity.
One leader, everybody else get in where you fit in.
Deal with shit as it comes up then forget it.
It’s always a good time for a belly rub!
I’m getting there.
Funny how all this randomness seems connected.