You know, most of the time, I think of myself as Superwoman; the whys of which I’ll save for a different post. But today, I looked in the mirror and you know what I saw?
Yep, I’m a coward.
This may sound harsh but I really want to move past this bit of self-destructive habit.
When there’s something I want, REALLY want, no one ever knows. It goes under ground. Buried. This action is fear-based. Fear of what? Failure? Success? Both? Who knows?
The point is that it’s destructive and counter-productive. While I’m working so hard to keep my desires, hopes and dreams buried, I’m wasting energy that could be used to bright them to fruition.
So, here’s what I’ve been hiding: I finished the first draft of my novel, KAOS. A fully formed beginning, middle and end! Beginning to end completed in less than six weeks!
That’s a big, freaking deal! And I was/am so very proud and pleased to have produced it. From just the seed of an idea, I now have a 200+ page manuscript.
You wouldn’t know it though, cause I’ve been sitting on this piece of awesomeness since Saturday past!
See, if I acknowledge that it’s done, that sets up expectations and trust me when I say, my own expectations are set higher than any of my worst critic. If I can’t pull it off, during the revisions process . . . well, again, another post.
I am publicly calling myself out because I refuse to allow fear and insecurity to cause this story to be buried for another two, three or more years. KAOS is a damn good story (*that’s Superwoman speaking; she just swept THE COWARD to the corner*) and while it may or may not be your cup of tea, it’s a story I’ve been called to tell and that makes it all right.
So, here’s the plan and I asking for your help: I am in the process of setting up a revisions schedule that I hope to complete by the weekend. At that point, I’ll prepare regular updates, probably weekly, just to keep me on track. Most of the research has been done, so I really should be able to let my creativity flow in the next few months. The thing that The Coward does not want me to see is that the hard work is already done. This first revision should be pure pleasure as I explore different ways to present the story and keep up with the various plot twists and turns that my agile mind has already created.
I’m working on a sort of back cover blurb and my tag line and will share that with you soon. Y’all, I mean YOU, please call me on my shit. If you haven’t heard from me in more than a week, let me hear it with both barrels, because it means that I’ve let the other set up residence again.
For those of you who’ve already produced/published manuscripts, how do you work through your anxieties? I’d love to hear them.