Man, I wish . . . no, I can’t wait until I finally write these tiny but powerful two words at the end of my novel, KAOS. I’ve been working on this story for the past couple years. Several times, I walked away or set it aside for other projects but Micah and Ima would not leave me alone.
So, I keep going.
A well-intentioned friend asked, “What’s taking so long? You’ve been talking about this story and working on this book forever.” Or that family member, “You STILL working on that book?”
So, yeah, I felt a little shitty afterwards. That question set off all kinds of insecure warning bells.
“You’re not a writer. Writers produce and finish their projects. Remember that writer we met who declared that she wrote a novel from start to finish in six weeks? Stop playing, this will never be more than a hobby. Nobody cares what you have to say.”
And on and on. I won’t bore you with a complete run-down of my neuroses. But it was after one of these conversations that I stepped away from my writing. A period of drought, a nagging sense of dissatisfaction. It wasn’t until I forced myself back in front of my computer that I felt anywhere near normal again.
But I’m a natural optimist, I may stumble but I always get back up. I remind myself why I started writing. Why this story feels so personal and my awareness of my characters so intimate. I remind myself that I don’t have an MFA though I’m constantly looking for opportunities to develop my craft. When I look back over my early writing samples, I see the progress in my ability to tell the story that lives in my heart. I relish in the knowledge that I will never write another first book again, so I focus on the PROCESS and not the end result.
And so it goes.
KAOS will be completed and it will be everything I’ve hoped and dreamed of because . . .
The E.N.D means “Effort Never Dies”.